


ultraviolence.

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Age Difference, Alcohol, Angst, Asshole Josh, Cheating, Implied Smut, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Josh is 28, M/M, Manipulation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Physical Abuse, Tyler is 18, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse, Violence, bi!josh, i guess?, this fic may end up getting a little messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:36:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: based on lana del rey's ultraviolence album.josh is far from perfect.





	1. cruel world.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because you're young, you're wild, you're free,  
> You're dancin' circles around me,  
> You're fuckin' crazy.  
> Oh, oh, you're crazy for me.

The first time they met, Tyler had considered Josh to be the perfect man.

A little sleazy and direct with his desire, sure, but perfect nonetheless.

It was dark and hazy in the club, the only visibility being provided by the fluorescent lights of the dance floor, electric blues and whites that illuminated pale skin and flashed across the younger of the two's face as he swayed his hips softly to the beats of the pounding music; dainty body connected in an embrace with a plethora of strangers, pressing up against them and grinding on the owners of the hands that danced across his waist and held him close and grasped at his ass lustfully.

Making an attempt to instead lose himself in the deafening melodies of whichever overplayed song was ringing through the air, as opposed to paying attention to the wet lips pressed against his jaw and the sickeningly bitter stench of straight vodka that lingered on the man's breath and surrounded his every sense, Tyler allowed his gaze to flicker around the dark room; almost instantly locking onto the stare of another stranger, leant against the wall and staring directly in his direction with an unidentifiable look glinting in his dark eyes.

That stranger was fucking hot, was all Tyler could think, as a barely noticeable shiver ran down his spine.

Only vaguely visible in the dim lighting of the shitty nightclub was the stranger's almost predatory stare, shining a little brighter with each beaming strobe light that brushed across his face; he was tall, or at least taller than the brunette, with a silver nose ring that glinted under the cool white illuminations, faded blonde hair that held hints of another washed out colour, pink perhaps, and muscular but not in the unattractive way that looked like some pretentious gym addict on steroids, with tattooed arms blatantly on show and just ripped enough that even the mere thought alone of being pinned down to the mattress by them was enough to make Tyler release a soft moan.

"You like that, huh, baby?" The dark-haired creep currently attached to his neck growled in a sad misinterpretation of his pleasured noise, making an effort to suck harder at his soft skin and only serving to make the mysterious stranger's attractive face harden ever so slightly with what appeared to be annoyance, or maybe determination. "Just wait until I'm fucking your pretty little ass later. You'll be screaming my name, kid."

The funny thing was, Tyler had absolutely _no idea_ what that guy's name actually was.

And though he did have the intention in mind of getting fucked, it certainly wasn't going to be by this seedy bastard.

Pushing the guy away with what little force he had despite his initial resistance, Tyler announced "'M gonna go get another drink."

"I'll be waiting," he responded with a wink, reaching forward to slap Tyler's ass possessively, though without response, as he pushed his way through the hordes of drunken dancers to approach the bar.

Tyler also had zero intention of returning to that man.

Leaning against the bar and sliding his glass towards the bartender in signal of a refill, he felt his breath hitch almost instantly when the feeling of another heavy body pressed against his back; the tingling sensation of hot, whiskey-scented breath brushing across his already marked-up neck and sending his head spinning with anticipation.

Or perhaps that was just the effect of the alcohol finally kicking in.

"Can I help you?" Tyler asked with mock disinterest, keeping his gaze focused on the the wall of lined-up drinks before him and pretending as if his breath hadn't just hitched at the knowledge of who exactly it was, pressing their dick up against his ass.

"I think you can," the stranger murmured smoothly in response; voice husky, low and silky smooth in an unexpected way that just about left Tyler's knees falling weak beneath him. One of the guy's strong, somewhat coarse hands instantly found his wrist, spinning him around in a singular beat and locking him in place against the bar; chests now pressed up against each other to the point in which Tyler was sure he could feel the beautiful stranger's heartbeat thumping against his own, even louder than the echoing music.

He was even more attractive up close.

_God damn._

Maybe, Tyler thought, he was the best looking man he had ever had the pleasure of witnessing in his whole 18 years of life.

And Tyler had been up close and personal with _a lot_ of men in his 18 years of life.

"How about giving me your name, gorgeous," the still unnamed man more or less demanded, both the pure dominance lacing his voice and the hint of a teasing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips making the kid just about choke on nothing but the lingering air between them.

"What's it to you?" Tyler hummed, bringing the straw of his refilled drink to his pouted lips and sucking on it seductively; long eyelashes fluttering and his fawn-eyes widening with faux innocence.

Crooked smirk finally making itself known with a flash of his perfectly white teeth, the stranger replied "Call me old-fashioned, but I like to know people's names before I take them home and fuck them senseless."

"Oh, so you do this often then?" Tyler asked, tilting his head and flicking his tongue against the tip of the straw once more before resting the drink on the bar.

"I don't think I'm the only one," the handsome stranger retorts without so much as missing a beat, gaze separating from the brunette's own briefly to run across the creamy skin of his neck; littered with both fading and brand new rosy hickeys, some still shimmering in the flashing white lights with their leftover saliva trails. "Your name?"

"Tyler," he answered with ease, unable to deny the commanding stare of those deep, coffee-coloured eyes for much longer.

" _Tyler,_ " the other man repeated aloud, testing the way the name rolled off of his tongue and somehow sounding heavenly in his velvety voice. "Pretty, cute and a little submissive. I like it."

Cheeks flushing ever so slightly at the man's words, yet remaining unnoticeable in the dim lighting, Tyler murmured "Do I get to know _your_ name?"

"What, so you can imagine yourself moaning it like some sort of fuckin' prayer?" He laughed breathily, leaning in closer to the point in which his nose was barely brushing against Tyler's own and their booze-soaked breaths were intertwining between them. "It's Josh."

God, _Josh._

Just as he'd teased, Tyler was instantly imagining how he'd sound brokenly whimpering that very name over and over again, with those strong arms pinning him down and those perfect lips running across every inch of his body.

"Well, _Josh_ ," Tyler smirked, brushing his lips against the other man's own softly and making his syrupy-sweet voice as alluring as physically possible, "I sincerely hope you intend to keep that promise of fucking me senseless."

"Oh, you're _definitely_ coming home with me, baby boy."

The first time they met, Tyler had considered Josh to be the perfect man.

Oh, how wrong he had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is just a sort of side project thing i had an idea for while i continue wildflower  
> you have no idea how hard it was for me to write like this after writing in first person for so long. it messed me up


	2. west coast.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Te deseo, cariño, boy, it's you I desire  
> Your love, your love, your love

Waking up the morning after, there was only one question lingering in Tyler's mind, still buzzing and reeling from the excessive vodka consumption the night prior that he really should've been used to at this point. And that was,

_Where the fuck am I?_

The brunette, similarly to his acquaintance with extreme levels of booze, was no stranger to waking up in an unfamiliar bed following his nights out, but really, who could blame him? He'd be damned if anyone tried to tell him any different to his remaining point that every kid his age craved the same things; alcohol and sex. Perhaps he just happened to acquire those two things more often than the other's did, and with people a lot older than really should've been viewed as acceptable, but the point stood that his life wasn't all that different from every other 18 year old at his school.

The lingering question regarding his whereabouts was answered almost immediately, when a single look to the balcony attached to the bedroom revealed the single man Tyler knew he couldn't have forgotten in a million years; shirtless, almost platinum blonde hair mussed up from sleep in the most heavenly way, legs kicked up against the railings and a cigarette in his hand, surrounding him with faint remnants of the toxic smoke as though they were the clouds and that gorgeous fucking man was the angel from above.

_I can see my baby swingin'_

_His Parliament's on fire and his hands are up_

He was almost tempted to pull out his phone and take a picture, for what he would claim was simply for bragging rights when he updated Ashley on his latest catch, but would really be for him to fawn over longingly every time he fucked himself in the future, imagining that it was Josh making him whimper and whine and moan like there was no tomorrow.

_On the balcony and I'm singing_

_Ooh, baby, ooh, baby, I'm in love_

Tyler was _pretty damn sure_ he'd fallen in love last night.

But really, Tyler was certain, that no living person would be able to _not_ fall in love after a night like that with quite possibly the most gorgeous man in the fucking world. 

No sane person could quite literally get fucked senseless, being pinned to the wall and pressed into the mattress by those strong arms, kissed by those perfectly silky lips and bitten by those perfectly white teeth across every inch of skin, called 'baby boy' and 'kitten' low in their ear in that velvety smooth, breathy voice, and not fall at least _a little bit_ in love. 

Sliding out of the bed and slipping back on his hastily discarded boxers, while revelling in the satisfying ache running across every inch of his body that he was so often waking up with nowadays, Tyler found himself instantly being drawn towards his hopefully more than one-night stand; the quiet pattering of his feet against the balcony floor catching Josh's attention and alerting his languid gaze in Tyler's direction.

"Morning, beautiful," Josh murmured, raspy early morning voice muffled around the cigarette resting between his lips and damn near making the brunette swoon on the spot. "Surprised you haven't bolted yet." 

Settling down in the free space of the older man's lap, thick thighs pressed against either side of his waist and dainty hands trailing softly down the expanse of his exposed chest, Tyler smirked "Why? You get ditched often early in the morning?" 

"You just don't seem like the type to stick around after a one-night stand," Josh corrected, tilting his head to blow the new ring of smoke in the opposite direction to the kid's pretty face. 

"Maybe I'm not.. but what if I don't just want it to be a one-night thing?" The younger of the two hummed suggestively, quirking a perfectly arched eyebrow in Josh's direction with as much of an unbothered facade he could muster when his heart was skipping beats at the mere suggestion of seeing the other man again. 

Perhaps it was a fucking insane thought given that Tyler had only met this guy last night and knew nothing about him aside from his name, especially given the fact that the older of the two seemed even more of an expert on one-night stands than the brunette himself, but he could definitely imagine waking up like this every morning for the rest of his life.

_He's crazy y Cubano como yo, my love_

"What makes you think _I'd_ want it to be more than just a one-night thing, kid?" Josh laughed lowly, mirroring the quirked eyebrow and tapping away the ashes of his smoke against the glass table beside them.

Humming in mock contemplation, Tyler tilted his head every so slightly and batted his luminously long eyelashes in the way that typically held the ability to make just about any man melt immediately. "Something about the fact that I can feel you getting hard again just from me sitting in your lap tells me that you _might just_ wanna fuck me again." 

"You cocky little shit," the blonde smirked with a shake of his head, though made no attempt to dismiss the claim; instead simply jolting his hips up teasingly against Tyler's barely covered ass and making his breath hitch undisguisably. "Don't you have a home to be getting back to, and a hangover to be sleeping off?"

"Home? My parents are away for the weekend so they couldn't care less where I am. And hangover? I'm pretty sure you fucked it out of me last night," Tyler shrugged, delicate fingers still tracing absentminded patterns across the older man's toned chest. "S'not too bad, but I wouldn't complain if you wanted to cure me some more with your dick." 

"You live with your parents? Geez, kid. How old _are you?_ " Josh asked almost in disbelief of the new revelation, though showed no effort to distance himself from the brown-haired beauty pressed torturously against his crotch; instead seemingly making more of an effort with his advances, bringing his free hand to rest against the small of Tyler's back and dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers. 

"18," Tyler answered, biting down on his pouted bottom lip in a meek attempt to hold back the desperate noise threatening to slip through and the simple touch alone. 

" _Christ_. Explains why you're so fuckin' insatiable," the other man chuckled, stubbing out the remnants of his cigarette and bringing his newly freed hand up to hold Tyler's face instead; his thumb trailing across the kid's bottom lip gently. "You got a thing or older men or somethin'?"

"Guess you could say that," Tyler murmured, catching Josh's thumb between his teeth and biting down playfully with the tiniest hint of a smirk; resisting the urge to drop to his knees and let the older man do whatever he wanted to him when he saw the sudden glint of lust in his deep, pooling eyes. 

You could _definitely_ say that, if Tyler's track record was anything to go by. 

His 'thing' for older men, he thought, was most certainly confirmed when his 17 year old self allowed his 39 year old English teacher to fuck him over his desk as nothing more than a 'goodbye present' to his favourite student. 

"How old are _you?_ Just old enough for this to be completely normal, or old enough for me to be calling you daddy?"

"I don't know kid, you tell me. Which category does 28 fall into?" Josh asked, tilting his head in questioning while simultaneously sliding his hands further down the curve of the brunette's perky ass; fingers pressing against him slyly.

"Doesn't matter. Let's just say.. you're one of the youngest," Tyler concluded, pushing himself backwards against the blonde's touch and biting back a surprised whine when one finger easily worked it's way inside of him. 

"Funny, 'cause I could say the same thing about you," the other man grinned, tongue darting out to swipe across his lips hungrily as he slid in a second finger with ease.

_Jesus Christ._

Tyler was so fucking sure he was in love with this man. 

Continuing their conversation casually as though he wasn't two knuckles deep inside the kid, Josh asked "What was a pretty little thing like you doing looking for men in such a sleazy club anyway, huh?" 

"B-Better question," the brunette near-gasped, rocking back against Josh's heavenly fingers needily, "What were _you_ doing in such a sleazy, shitty club like that? S-Seriously. We're in a penthouse apartment right n-now. How rich are you, Josh? Why don't you hang out at some fancy, VIP area kinda place?" 

" _Now_ is the time you decide to ask about my money?" Josh smirked, fingers thrusting deeper in a way that damn near made Tyler's eyes roll back into his head out of pleasure. "You gonna get off thinking about being pampered and spoiled like a fuckin' princess?" 

"Fuck, no, _I just-_ " the younger of the two gasped, cutting off his own incoherent speech by crashing his lips against the blonde's own in a desperate kiss; one of clashing teeth and tongues that filled Tyler's mouth with the taste of fresh cigarette smoke and left him feeling faint with overblown lust. "Please just fuck me again, Josh. _Please._ "

_Move baby, move baby, I'm in love_

Planting a sloppy kiss to the corner of the brunette's lips, Josh removed his fingers and landed a loud slap against the creamy skin of his ass. "Go and get a condom from the bedside drawer," he murmured, dominance lacing his tone as he tugged at the waistband of the kid's underwear, "And have these gone before you get back, baby boy." 

Josh, Tyler had decided as he was riding the older man out on the balcony and indecently moaning as though they were the only two people on earth that morning, was without a doubt a walking god, or perhaps simply a godsent angel.

And from that moment on, Tyler devoted everything to him.

He would be Josh's, and Josh would be his.

_Te deseo, cariño, boy, it's you I desire_

_Your love, your love, your love_  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> justice for blonde josh please?  
> ♥


	3. florida kilos.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You like your little baby,  
> Like you like your drinks cool.

Maybe, Tyler thought, he should've realised that something about Josh wasn't quite right, or at least wasn't _safe_ , the first time he came home a couple of months into their 'relationship', well on his way to being coked out of his mind and with another small ziplock bag of the white powder tucked into the back pocket of his skinny jeans. 

He'd stumbled in, four hours later than he'd originally agreed to meet the kid at his place, looking oddly unlike his usual godly-self, and more so like those cokehead hipsters or hobos that Tyler was so used to seeing fumbling around in the toilet stalls of those sleazy clubs he was far too acquainted with for his age, or pressed against the dirty walls of alleyways at 2:30 in the morning and looking mere seconds away from death.

_White lines, pretty baby, tattoos,_

Josh's usually soft and caring eyes, deeper than a pool of damn holy water, were bloodshot to hell and hooded in a way that should've been attractive, like when he woke up first thing in the morning and gazed over at the brunette sleepily, but only served to put Tyler a little on edge, and his nose was matched in the same rosy, irritated shade; remnants of the white powder that he must've missed, or just not given a fuck about brushing off, still being ever so slightly visible alongside evidence of dried, crimson blood. And _his lips_ , his lips were swollen and shiny.

Like he'd been kissing someone else.

Not that it would've surprised Tyler.

Regardless though, the thought of it still hurt.

"Where have you been, Josh?" Tyler sighed with nothing but boredom, and maybe slight annoyance, sitting up from where he had been laying on the couch and resting his arms against the back as he shot the most serious glare he could muster in the older man's direction, despite never finding it in him to be completely pissed with the handsome man that he found himself loving so dearly.

"Out," was Josh's simple, blunt response as he settled himself down on the sofa beside his boyfriend who wasn't necessarily his boyfriend. One of them saw their relationship that way, but it definitely wasn't Josh. "At a friend's house, okay? 'M here now though, so it doesn't matter."

"What matters is that you abandoned me, practically all evening, to go and get high," the younger complained, running a dainty hand through his messy bedhead of hair in irritation and avoiding the blonde's hazy gaze practically burning into him. "You know I bailed on Ashley to come and see you tonight, right? 

_Don't know what they mean,_

"Boo-fuckin'-hoo, Ty," Josh responded with an exasperated roll of his eyes, in the exact way the brunette always wished he wouldn't; the same way, as always, whenever the older man seemed to be belittling him.

The lingering feeling of hurt was always lost within their kisses though, like a tidal wave washing away his doubts and filling him with nothing but adoration and love.

"You didn't have to stick around, y'know? Could've gone home, kid, or just.. _out_."

"You're right," the brunette huffed, returning the agitated eye-roll exaggeratedly and standing from the couch, sighing as he pushed his way past Josh's legs kicked up on the glass coffee table "There's hundreds of _sober_ guys out there that I could be with right now. Ones that don't disappear for hours on end and leave me waiting like a jackass."

A single coarse hand grabbing his wrist before he was out of reaching distance, Josh pulled the kid back down onto his lap, eliciting a startled squeal from his pretty, pouted lips and instantly snaking his tattooed arm around Tyler's itty-bitty waist to hold him in place. "You're all talk, baby boy," he murmured, low in the brunette's ear, the combination of his hot breath, velvety voice and the pet name sending an instant, visible shiver down Tyler's spine, "You wouldn't dare leave me for someone else now."

_They're special, just for you._

"Oh yeah?" Tyler hummed with feigned cockiness, resisting the overwhelming urge to fall into submission so easily, "What makes you think that?"

"Oh, I don't _think._ I _know._ " Lips curling up into a smug smirk against the warm skin of the younger's neck, Josh softly purred "You need me, Tyler. And you're _mine_ , yeah?"

"Josh.."

_I feel you, pretty baby, feel me,_

" _Say it,_ " he damn near growled, the aggressive side-effects of the drug seemingly surfacing in the way Josh's grip on his wrist tightened painfully and tugged him closer into his chest.

Tyler was also no stranger to the occasional drug-induced man, having fallen into the bed's of a handful of them during his time pre-Josh. They were always his least favourite though, he thought, given their threatening and overly rough tendencies that all too often left the brunette blinking away tears silently beneath them.

It was different with Josh though, or at least he told himself.

_Josh loved him._

At least, that's what he was going to keep telling himself.

_Turn it up hot, lovin' you is free._

"J, you're hurting me," Tyler whispered, biting the inside of his cheek to hold back the weak-minded whimper building in the back of his throat and threatening to slip past his lips, but giving in nonetheless when the blonde's harsh restraint showed no signs of letting up until he was satisfied and got what he wanted, by turning to face Josh and stammering "I'm yours, okay? I know I am. _I'm yours._ "

Fingers loosening around his fragile wrist, and instead pulling it up to his still-slicked lips, Josh murmured a " _Good boy,_ " in quiet praise; a contrastingly soft constellation of soothing kisses being scattered across his now flushed skin, that would no doubt show hints of a bruise come the morning, in an affectionate gesture that left the younger's heart skipping a beat and reminded him once more of why he was so sure he was in love with the handsome man from that sleazy club. Lips finding Tyler's neck and continuing the trail of tender kisses, the blonde hummed "Got us a present, y'know."

Before Tyler could even question the contents of said 'present', the older man was pulling out the fresh, palm-sized bag of white powder and dropping it onto the coffee table before them; nipping at the kid's jaw, just above a patchy, deep red mark left a night or so ago and trailing his thumb in soft circles against the exposed skin of the brunette's hip beneath his loose white shirt that made his tan skin glow more golden than ever.

_White lines, pretty daddy, go ski it,_

"Don't you think you've had enough for tonight?"

"I didn't buy this shit for nothing, kid," Josh retorted without missing a beat, nose twitching and sniffing and he wiped away the lingering hints of powder with the back of his hand.

"Do what you want, J, but 'm not doing it with you," the younger of the two insisted, leaning back into Josh's warm hold and allowing his eyes to flutter closed as his mind wandered off deep into his imagination; envisioning that tonight was far from the reality, and instead one of their nicer nights. The ones in which the older man was all low, breathy laughs and sweet kisses as they made love and he made Tyler moan and whimper and thank every god above him like no one ever had before, as opposed to the present Josh; the one who was all overly rough touches and harsh laughs and blunt words.

_You snort it like a champ,_

_Like the winter we're not in._

"You love me, don't you, baby boy?" Josh murmured lowly in question, lips still brushing the kid's tainted skin and making him shiver with lust at the words alone. "Don't you wanna make me happy?"

 _Of course_ he loved Josh.

He'd told him that countless times.

He told him that he thought, just maybe, he loved him the first time the two of them had 'made love' as opposed to fucking desperately like their original hookup. He'd told him that maybe, just maybe, he loved him when he'd turned up at Josh's apartment following a screaming match with his parents regarding his 'insubordinate' lifestyle, and the older man had held him close and kissed away the overbearing stress. 

Tyler had told Josh that he _definitely_ loved him not too long ago, after an early morning fuck when he looked over at the shirtless, smoking blonde in bed beside him and those three words were the only thing that'd crossed his mind.

Josh, however, was still yet to give him a response other than an attentive hum or a butterly-inducing laid back smile.

"Of course I love you, Josh," the brunette assured, turning his head ever so slightly to catch the older man's lips in a wet kiss; the unfamiliar taste of bubblegum and cherry chapstick filling Tyler's mouth and leaving a bitter taste residing on his tongue at the confirmed suspicion that Josh really had been locking lips with another stranger earlier on in the night. Not that Tyler was going to mention it, no matter how profoundly it made his heart drop and his stomach churn with displeasure. "But 'm not snorting coke with you. I don't even want _you_ to be doing it, babe."

"Then maybe you should show me how much you love me another way," Josh suggested as he gently pushed Tyler into a standing position, though the edge in his tone told the kid that this was less of a suggestion and more of a demand; one that he could never allow himself to say no to when it was filtering from the blonde's heavenly lips.

Opening the tiny transparent bag and emptying a small mound onto the glass surface, one of his hands fumbled around in his back pocket for a credit card as the other reached out to slap Tyler's perky ass; eliciting a barely audible gasp and leaving his cheeks flushing almost as pink as his boyfriend's bloodshot eyes.

"Put on a show for me, _kitten._ "

_Dance the night away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥


	4. fucked my way up to the top.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Need you baby, like I breathe you, baby,  
> Need you baby, more, more, more, more.

Saying no to Josh was a seemingly unfamiliar concept to Tyler.

Because the older man himself had taught him that if you loved someone, you should be willing to do just about anything for them.

And he loved Josh, more than anything.

He loved his deep, black-coffee and honey eyes, that made the brunette feel safe with one simple look every damn time, and the way his caring gaze would trail across Tyler's body and linger adoringly on his flushed face every now and then similarly to the very first night the two of them had met. He loved his smile, the way his silky smooth lips would curve up at the corners and his perfectly white teeth would show with every breathy laugh, one that sent shivers down the kid's spine and left every hair on his body standing upright. He loved the way Josh would hold him close in bed at night, strong, tattooed arms wrapped protectively around him and endless tender kisses being pressed into his hair and across every inch of exposed skin within reach. He loved the way the Josh would wake him up, coarse fingers tracing absentminded patterns along his bare skin as he whispered sweet nothings low in his ear and called Tyler all of those swoon-worthy pet names that he adored so dearly. Tyler also, admittedly, loved the way Josh would shower him with gifts; buying anything the younger of the two so much as even glanced at while they were shopping and surprising him with romantic dinners at restaurants that Tyler couldn't even bring himself to look at the price of.

The money wasn't always a positive though.

Tyler wasn't fond of the way he had recently began to notice more drugs scattered around the apartment, and how he was turning up to on the evenings to find Josh high on  _something_ more often than not nowadays. He wasn't particularly fond of the extravagant parties the older man would throw nearly every other weekend, both because Josh decreased with affection and increased in blunt aggression with each sip of alcohol, and because he had began to lose count of the amount of times he'd caught the older man's sleazy friends eyeing him hungrily from across the room.

It wasn't that the kid was a stranger to that kind of attention, and wasn't at least a little flattered, but his desire to be treated in that way had decreased dramatically since meeting Josh.

There were many things about Josh that he wasn't fond about, but they didn't matter.

Because Tyler loved Josh, more than anything.

_I'm a dragon, you're a whore,_

"J..?" Tyler called out, stepping out of the elevator leading directly into the apartment and kicking off his shoes beside it as he peered around the lounge in search of the older man; the only sound in the entirety of the penthouse being the faint lull of low music coming from the direction of the blonde's bedroom. Following the noise, the brunette made his way tiredly in said direction and was greeted with multiple distinguishable things upon opening the bedroom door; the first being Josh, of course, lazily lounging on the bed and wearing nothing but a pair of low hung sweats, the sight alone making Tyler's knees weak beneath him. The second was the overwhelming, yet accustomed, stench of weed, and the third was the older man's friend, Brendon, resting idly beside him on Tyler's side of the bed, in nothing but boxer shorts and with a joint nestled between his fingers.

He'd met Brendon multiple times before.

He was one of those friends that so often found their lust-filled gazes lingering on Tyler for just a beat too long.

Tyler was also pretty certain that Brendon was one of the people his boyfriend fooled around with every now and then behind his back.

He still wasn't willing to mention it though, because Josh loved him, so it didn't matter.

"Hey, beautiful," Josh greeted smoothly, coffee-coloured eyes lighting up at the sight of the brunette and sharing a subtle look with his friend, before reaching up to hold Tyler's face gently with his coarse hand and pulling him down into an affectionate kiss; the kid melting into the loving touches immediately and parting his pouted lips almost instinctively to allow the blonde's bitter tongue to lick into his mouth. "Missed you."

"I've missed you too," the younger murmured breathlessly, nose brushing against Josh's cheek and tongue darting out to swipe across his saliva-slicked lips savoringly, before whispering out of Brendon's earshot, "What happened to us having a night alone together? I haven't seen you all week, J."

_Don't even know what you're good for._

"Don't worry about that, baby," the blonde dismissed carelessly, voice low and raspy like he'd just woken up in the way that made Tyler feel faint as he smirked, "You wearing the presents I asked you to wear?"

Of course he was.

Josh already knew the answer, Tyler thought, but the smug bastard just liked hearing him admit it.

With a silent nod in response, the kid nuzzled his face further into his boyfriend's neck as Josh instructed huskily "Show me."

"Now?" Tyler asked, an obvious combination of hesitance and nervous skepticism laced in his quiet tone; gaze flickering briefly to the other brunette beside them and feeling even smaller than usual, alongside a profounder sense of submission, beneath his longing stare.

"Yes, _now_ , Tyler."

Any remaining urge to protest against the older man's request dissolved on his tongue into nothing but a wordless silence when a brief hint of impatience flashed in Josh's eyes, instantly being replaced with a loving and reassuring smile as always. Sometimes, _just maybe_ , Tyler thought he was imagining those split seconds of uncertain aggression. Instead, the brunette simply settled in front of Josh on the bed; oversized shirt being disposed of quickly and reluctantly slipping off his leggings to reveal the gifted pair of sheer, frilly white panties hugging his heart-shaped ass tightly and showing off the base of a black silicone plug.

_Lay me down tonight in my diamonds and pearls,_

Brendon's low whistle rang through the air and cut through the soft beats of the music, making Tyler's cheeks flush rosy pink with something between humiliation and flattery as he climbed onto the blonde's lap immediately upon the signal of his patting his thigh gently; burying his face into Josh's neck coyly, despite the unpleasant lingering stench of weed on him, and choking back the hitch of his breath when Josh bumped his hips upwards.

"You really weren't fuckin' kidding," the other brunette laughed in slight awe, knocking Josh teasingly in the side with his leg and blowing a hazy cloud of smoke in their direction. 

Tyler wasn't sure if he wanted to know what his boyfriend had said about him to elicit that comment. 

"He's a young one, right? How old did you say he was, J?" 

"I'm right here, you know," the kid retorted in the direction of the near-stranger, with a disguised hint of bitterness in his tone that brought along an instant wave of regret when he felt the grip of Josh's strong hand on his waist tighten noticeably. "You could just ask me." 

Clearly sensing Josh was seconds away from scolding the brunette for being rude, Brendon interrupted with an arched eyebrow and a sly smirk tugging at his reddened lips, "Got a feisty little one, huh, Josh? I like it." 

"He's 18," the older man answered for him, fingers shifting down from his tiny waist to hook beneath the smooth fabric of the panties and nudging them down ever so slightly. "Explains the brattiness."

Any intention of dismissing the so-called 'bratty' claim is washed away like a wave escaping the shore when Josh attached his silky lips to the underside of the kid's jaw; sucking a possessive, patchy mark in place and simultaneously trailing his cool fingers across his chest faintly. "You're so, so beautiful, Ty." 

_Tell me something like I'm your favourite girl._

Breath hitching audibly and his whole body tensing when a second pair of rougher lips locked onto his neck with a series of slow, wet kisses, Tyler leaned further into the blonde's touch and damn near stilled completely with the realisation of exactly why Josh invited him over for the night. 

One that he probably should've realised the second he walked into the bedroom and felt Brendon's hungry gaze pinned to him, Tyler thought. 

"Josh.."

" _Relax,_ baby boy," his boyfriend hummed against his skin, with a soothing lick across the fresh hickey in place and damn near making the younger of the two melt on the spot submissively. "Be good for me, kitten. You want us to make you feel good, yeah?"

He would've preferred it in a different way, without Brendon breathing down his neck hotly and eagerly awaiting his turn, but he supposed if it made Josh happy, then he was happy too.

When someone else's happiness was your happiness, that was love.

At least, that's how it was supposed to go.

 _Go, go, go, go, go,_  
_This is my show._  

Nodding obediently in lieu of a spoken response, Tyler shivered, though unsure of whether it was induced from pleasure or disgust, in response to the other brunette's suddenly intensified touches; his unfamiliar lips sucking harder along his already ruined skin and his free hand trailing down the kid's spine in admiration of his near-naked form. Gently shifting Tyler onto his back, head resting in the other man's lap as his fingers began to run through the brunette's soft curls, Josh expertly slid the flimsy underwear down his long legs and smirked with a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, "Why are you suddenly so shy, kitten? No need to be. You're _perfect._ "

 _Need you baby, like I breathe you, baby,_  
_Fuckin' need you baby, more, more, more, more._

Cheeks flushing impossibly rosy to the point in which he was practically glowing, as was always the effect whenever the blonde showered him with praise and whispered compliments, the kid looked away timidly as Josh pushed his own sweats down; thick thighs suddenly being pressed against his chest by rough hands and the sudden feeling of emptiness not going unnoticed as the older man impatiently disposed of his 'present'. A desperate whimper being drawn from his pouted lips forcefully that made the other brunette's dick visibly twitch just beside his face, Tyler squirmed beneath his boyfriend as he purred lowly in his ear, "Tell me that you love me, baby boy."

"I love you, J. So much," Tyler complied breathlessly without even so much as missing a single breath, to which Josh's only response was a satisfied grunt; slamming into him roughly and fucking the kid like there was no tomorrow as his lips locked with Brendon's above Tyler in a sickening kiss.

The sight admittedly hurt and made Tyler's stomach twist with an indistinguishable feeling but it didn't matter, because Josh loved him.

And Tyler loved Josh. 

_More than anything._

He was certain of it.

_Lay me down tonight, I'm your favourite girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love any of you that read or kudos or comment on this ♥  
> (also feel free to tell me if you spot any problems)


	5. shades of cool.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But I can't help him, can't make him better,  
> And I can't do nothing about his strange weather.

Josh was always in an unfavourable mood, Tyler had noticed, on the mornings after he'd indulged in some kind of drug and was suffering from the comedown, but those types of mornings were becoming increasingly common as of late.

Those mornings definitely weren't the worst version of his boyfriend, but they were still somewhat intimidating and tiresome.

The worst version of the older man, Tyler concluded after a handful of particularly bad nights, was alcohol-fuelled Josh; when booze of any kind was running through the blonde's veins, he went one of two ways, both of which never failed to set the kid on edge around him.

Drunk Josh version one was the more preferable of the two; that was when he'd become exceedingly possessive, even more so than usual, and would keep Tyler pinned to his side at all times no matter where they were, whether it was in the comfort of the older man's own apartment or out in some sleazy club similar to the very one the two of them had met in. With one tattooed arm wrapped tightly around the brunette's tiny waist, Josh would flaunt the kid like some kind of prize but then practically growl at anyone who let their gaze linger for a few seconds too long, simultaneously forcing Tyler's own gaze away from any other man he dared glance at. 

Those nights always ended with Josh reminding Tyler who he really belonged to.

And perhaps it shouldn't have, but it felt like love.

 _My baby lives in shades of cool,_  
_Cool heart, and hands and aptitude._

Drunk Josh version two was definitely the one that made the kid the most nervous; that was when his typically drug-induced aggression would make a reappearance, with his usually soft, comforting eyes turning sharp with glares that felt like a shard of glass being dragged down Tyler's skin and his affectionate smile melting away into nothing more than a displeased scowl. Getting irritated at the tiniest things on those nights, no matter how careful the brunette was when practically walking on eggshells around him, Josh would often raise his voice and resort to gripping Tyler's wrist tightly to pull him closer whenever he flinched or backed away from the snarls, more often than not resulting in tiny purple bruises in the shape of his boyfriend's fingertips in place the next morning.

And when a hungover Josh would catch sight of the fresh damage, he'd always have the same response alongside his half-hearted kiss to the tainted skin.

" _It's not even that bad. I wouldn't do it if you didn't do something to deserve it though, kid_."

And Josh was _always_ right, so Tyler supposed that maybe he did deserve it.

Though being around the older man mid-comedown was still taxing, the kid decided he'd take that any day over his drunken form.

"Morning," Tyler murmured quietly, voice still sounding resoundingly loud within the near-silent lull of the apartment, as he padded across the wooden floor to where his fatigued boyfriend was lounging on the couch; shirtless, as always, though this time with evidence of Brendon's lips from the night prior visible across his toned chest, comforting eyes lidded with sleepiness and a carton of leftover Thai takeaway resting in his lap.

 _He lives for love, for women, too,_  
_I'm one of many, one is blue._

Shifting ever so slightly to make room, the blonde patted the space directly beside him in a wordless signal to which Tyler happily obeyed; nestling himself into Josh's side, in what was an unusually affectionate offer of the older man given his poor mood, and resting his head on Josh's bare shoulder in a desperate attempt to soak up every hint of warmth his boyfriend was willing to give.

 _And when he calls,_  
_He calls for me and not for you._

"Tell me that you love me," Josh requested in mismatched response, as opposed to his usual good morning greeting of a tender kiss on the so-called 'better' days, gaze flickering across the brunette's face briefly as one hand snaked around his waist and held him as close as physically possible in their position.

"I love you," the younger responded without missing a beat, as per routine; flushed face nuzzling against the blonde's neck and his still swollen, cherry-tinted lips brushing across the icy-cold skin longingly in a meek attempt to crush Josh's expected annoyance before it became too prominent to control.

"I know you do, kid," he smirked, his low and empty laugh making Tyler shake against his chest in a somewhat comforting manner. "Just like hearing you say it."

  _He lives for love, he loves his drugs,  
He loves his baby too._

Timidly reaching up to rest on hand on the older man's chest, directly above his softly beating heart in a move filled with apprehension, the brunette murmured "You feeling okay today, J?"

It was a question he already knew the answer to, of course.

"Of course I'm not," Josh responded bluntly, boredom at the monotonous content of the conversation evident within his tone as he dumped the carton of half-eaten food on the coffee table. "I'm tired, got a fuckin' pounding headache and I've gotta deal with Brendon and his loud ass mouth whenever he finally wakes up. I'm burnt out, kid."

"Baby.." Tyler began hesitantly, biting down on his bottom lip with contemplation of his unspoken thoughts and muffling the words against the blonde's neck as though it would somehow soften his words, "Do you think maybe you should.. _cut down_.. on doing all of this shit for a while? Just, y'know, take a break? It's not good for you, J, and-"

"What, are you my fuckin' mother now?" the older man instantly bit back in interruption, an amused smirk playing on his silky lips as though this was simple teasing between a loving couple, but not quite reaching his eyes; his gaze instead appearing completely dull and lacking the usual glint that made Tyler swoon on the spot. "I'm a grown man, and you're 18. You don't know shit, Ty."

 _But I can't help him, can't make him better,_  
_And I can't do nothing about his strange weather._  

"I just think you'll feel better if you quit for a while," the brunette defended in his syrupy-sweet voice that'd been reduced to what was almost a whisper out of fear of the backlash, adding "I can help you. We can find other things to do at the weekends to distract you-"

"You're talking to me like I'm a damn addict," Josh snapped bitterly, nudging the kid off of him with a jolt of his shoulder and sitting up on the couch in ignorance of the barely audible whine Tyler instinctively let out at the loss of contact, or maybe just the sudden negative spin on their conversation that he wished to avoid for once. Clearly unwilling to continue the conversation any further, he shifted the subject of conversation by reaching over to slap Tyler's thigh softly and sighed "Go and get me a smoke. Quick."

 _But you are invincible,_  
_I can't break through your world._

Already feeling as though he had pushed his limits with annoying his hungover boyfriend for one day, Tyler nodded obediently, disappearing into the bedroom briefly and rushing back to the blonde's side in record time; holding out the half-emptied carton of cigarettes and the lighter, the kid assured with caution "I didn't mean it like that, J. Just don't like seeing what the drugs do to you, s'all."

"Just stop talking about it, yeah?" Josh requested without any room for argument, plucking one of the cancerous sticks from the pack and resting it between his lips as he grabbed the lighter and nudged the brunette with his leg in a wordless, familiar cue that Tyler picked up on without missing a beat; settling onto his knees on the floor between his boyfriend's legs and peering up at him with complete submissive devotion. Tossing the used lighter somewhere on the couch, the older man balanced the newly lit cigarette between his fingers in one hand and tangled the other in the kid's soft hair, brushing through it admiringly and soaking up every contented purr that left his pretty lips. "Give me a kiss, kitten."

Heart skipping at the affectionate demand and painting a coy smile across Tyler's face, he tilted his head up to meet the blonde halfway; being captured in a remarkably tender kiss that tasted like a confusing combination of fresh cigarette smoke and bubblegum and thai food, but felt like home nonetheless because it was the taste of Josh, and Josh was his home.

_You're hot, hot, weather in the summer._

Pulling back near-breathlessly and resting his head against the older man's thigh as his hand re-found the soft curls of Tyler's hair, the brunette allowed his eyes to flutter shut with their seemingly early morning bliss and murmured delicately "You love me too, _right,_ J?"

_High, neglectful lover._

"'Course I do, baby boy," Josh hummed after a split second of unnoticed hesitation, raspy voice subdued around the smoke between his lips and filling the kid with nothing but an overwhelming burst of unstoppable adoration and frenzied butterflies deep in his stomach.

Nothing else mattered.

Josh loved him, and that was all he needed.

_Your heart is unbreakable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just ramble, but please love me anyway  
> ♥


	6. ultraviolence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved you the first time,  
> I loved you the last time.

Perhaps, Tyler realised, he probably shouldn't have been surprised that his boyfriend's aggressive tendencies ranged beyond simple grips of wrists and harsh words shouted in his face when the fact finally came to light.

But that didn't mean that he wasn't at least a little shocked, especially because the Josh he'd been around for the past week or so had been the one of soft, tender kisses across every inch of the brunette's skin whenever he found the chance, low breathy laughs as Tyler tickled him playfully in bed as a morning wake up call, genuine grins of perfectly white teeth and silky lips throughout the day and as they ate their romantic dinners in those overly fancy restaurants, and the oh so adored murmurs of swoon-worthy pet names and whispered sweet nothings against Tyler's neck and low in his ear whenever they found themselves wrapped up within each other beneath the sheets.

Tyler had even gone just over a whole week and a half without any fresh appearances of those tiny purple bruises that usually painted his dainty wrist like a fucked up piece of artwork.

To him, what he and the older man shared felt like nothing but pure, unconditional love. 

But what Tyler also should've realised, both from past experiences and the fact that his boyfriend so often switched from one personality to another within a split, undefinable second, was that Josh was just a ticking time bomb; each tender kiss every morning, each warm and protective hug as they lounged on the couch together and each whispered 'love you' as the blonde pressed the younger into the mattress and made love to him like never before were all just faults in the wiring of the inevitable explosion heading their way. 

Each adoring gesture slowed down the process a little each time, but the wire was becoming shorter and shorter day by day, and Tyler really should've taken into heart the saying that everything good must come to an end at some point. 

And their relationship as of late had been far too good to even be fathomable. 

Tyler was finishing up the last of the packing up of his belongings in the lounge that'd built up at the blonde's apartment over the passing week or so when his boyfriend finally re-emerged from the bedroom; near platinum blonde hair still holding the barely visible tints of the faded pink colour it must've been before they met and slightly wet and curly from his shower, his chest, as always, exposed and glistening faintly with the faint remnants of the water and a cigarette resting lazily between his soft lips alongside the trail of the toxic fumes filtering into the air behind him. 

Some days, when the brunette looked over at him and damn near swooned on the spot, he had to question how on earth someone like him had managed to attract quite possibly the hottest and most perfect man in nearly every sense of the word that he'd ever had the blessing of encountering. 

Voice muffled around the cigarette as he padded across the wooden floor to where the younger of the two was stood attempting to tug the particularly stiff zip of his backpack up over the near bursting contents, Josh hummed lowly "What ya' doing, kid?" and snaked a tattooed arm around the brunette's tiny waist to hold him against his side affectionately. 

"Packing, 'cause 'm gonna take some of my stuff home," Tyler sighed in response, finally forcing the tricky zip upwards and into place with an adorably breathless huff. Dropping the bag onto the couch, the kid turned to cuddle himself into the blonde's warm embrace, pretty face nuzzled against his bare chest despite the slight dampness, and explained softly  "I haven't been home in like.. over a week, so 'm running out of clean clothes and I can't wears yours forever. And I think my parents are kind of pissed at me for ditching the family dinner yesterday when my aunt visited."

Josh nodded in wordless understanding, his free hand squeezing the brunette's delicate hip in a loving gesture that brought a tiny smile to his pouted, baby-doll lips and blew out another ring of the gag-worthy smoke only breaths away from the kid's face. "What time you coming back tonight?" The older man asked, languidly tracing his fingers along Tyler's hipbone and sending visible shivers down the curve of his spine. 

"'M not," the younger of the two pouted, almost wishing he hadn't made plans so that he and Josh could spend the night curled up on the sofa and wrapped up in each other's touches until they drifted off to sleep, reaching up to press his bubblegum-stained lips against his boyfriend's own in a tender parting kiss before reluctantly pulling back and moving towards the elevator to find his shoes. "I'm going out with some friends tonight, and I kinda need to spend some time with my family to avoid ending up in a screaming match about me being distant again so.. I'll probably come and see you on Monday or somethin'," Tyler hummed, turning to back to face the blonde but noticing immediately that the content glaze of his deep eyes had melted away and now looked sparked with a hint of annoyance. 

"I don't want you going out tonight," Josh stated simply, voice unwavering as though there was absolutely no room for argument and his dominant stare unfaltering as it practically pinned to the kid like a firing arrow at a target. "We have company coming over later." 

Josh didn't even have to expand on the vague mention of 'company', given that Tyler already knew it really meant that his boyfriend's sleazy, degrading friends were coming over in the hopes of scoring exactly what Brendon had a few weeks back.

"J.. I've hardly seen any of my friends ever since we started dating," the brunette pouted in a meek attempt to reason with his stubborn-minded boyfriend who nearly always stuck by his demands, and damn near always got what he wanted. "We've been together practically every day for the last whole month. Can I not like.. just have _one night_ off?" 

The way Josh forcefully crushed his cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee table, and was seemingly seconds away from popping one of the fucking veins that ran along his coarse hand, should've probably been the kid's first warning sign to either bolt completely or surrender in silence. 

Tyler never seemed to learn those very signs though, for their haunting clarity became hazy and blurred by the unconditional love in his delicate, fawn-eyes. 

"I'm asking for one thing of you, and you're complaining? Do you realise how fucking ungrateful you sound right now?" The older man suddenly snapped, quirking an eyebrow at the brunette as though he was awaiting an answer despite the growled question being seemingly rhetorical. Stalking over to where the kid was practically pressed against the wall, the soft gulp and audible click of his throat sounding too loud in the dull silence of the apartment, Josh ranted "I've given you _everything_ , kid. A place to stay whenever you want, food to eat, fuckin' expensive shit that you don't even need, _love_.. and you can't do _one damn thing_ for me without being a brat about it?" 

"Babe.. I'm not ungrateful for what you do for me, at all..," Tyler assured nervously, though complete sincerity laced his tone wholly, for the kid could never find the words to express how much he appreciated his boyfriend and his endless giving. With a widened blink of his pretty, puppy-dog gaze in the hopes of calming Josh's enraged disposition, the brunette lowered his syrupy-sweet tone and near-whispered, "It's just.. I just wanted one night. One night of being a normal 18 year old instead of just being your ' _prized possession_ '." 

Talking back had always been one of the older man's pet peeves. 

Rather than being met with the expected booming shout of a response mere inches away from his face, the younger of the two instead faced something completely new; a strong, familiar hand open-handedly cracking across his face with a resounding clap so profound that it rang through the air like a harrowing chime, causing Tyler's head to reel back sickeningly and a sharply startled gasp of stinging pain to slip from his tinted lips on impact. 

With each passing second, the agonising burn of the deeply flushed hand-shaped welt left in place and tainting the kid's pretty face only seemed to intensify; his own dainty, shaking hand reaching up to touch the skin tenderly as his childlike doe-eyes instantaneously filled with pooling tears, the silent streams beginning to slip down his cheeks as his boyfriend practically radiated frustration before him. 

_I can hear the sirens, sirens,_

_He hit me and it felt like a kiss._

Hands slamming deafeningly against the wall either side of the brunette's face, essentially pinning Tyler to the wall and causing a helpless whimper to break the cold air between the two of them, the blonde growled venomously " _Look_ what you made me do, Tyler."

_I can hear violins, violins,_

_Give me all of that ultraviolence._

With a sigh filled with nothing but pure, crushing resentment, Josh closed the gap between them by resting his forehead against the kid's own in a display of faux calmness; both Tyler's nervous shivers and the wracking of his dainty body with each soundless sob reverberating against his boyfriend and practically jostling the blonde's heart in his chest. Perfectly white teeth gritting visibly and his eyes fluttering closed in an attempt to regain his composure, the older man stated bluntly "I didnt want to have to do that. I didn't want to hurt you, angel.. but you kept pushing me, and pushing me. _I just_ -"

_I could've died right there,_

_Cause he was right beside me._

"'M sorry, _I'm sorry_ ," the kid essentially choked out in interruption before the blonde could work himself up into another bout of unstoppable anger, syrupy-sweet voice utterly broken like cracked honey and breathless from his every heaved sob as the salty tracks of tears only seemed to burn the raw skin of his flushed cheek further. "I'm so sorry, Josh." 

_He hurt me but it felt like true love._  

All of the encased anger and tension seeming to fizzle out from his heavenly face at the whimpered apology, like a burning flame being stomped out into nothing but a dismal pile of burnt ashes as evidence of the damage done, the blonde sighed exhaustedly and shifted his hands to instead softly cup either side of Tyler's face; cool, coarse thumbs brushing across the brunette's burning cheeks soothingly and catching the fallen tears within damp swipes as he whispered "If you loved me, Tyler, you wouldn't push me to do things like that." 

_Taught me that,_

_Loving him was never enough._

Collapsing forward into the strong, protective hold of his boyfriend's tattooed arms and pressing his unabused cheek against the older man's chest, as though the rapid thumping of the blonde's adrenaline-ridden heart would ground his body that felt foreign in the moment, Tyler sniffed desperately " _I do_ , J. I do love you, more than anything. I'm so sorry." 

Fingers trailing upwards to tangle through the brunette's messy curls in the way that had always managed to calm his tears in the past, Josh placed an affectionate peck to his temple with a hummed "Don't let it happen again, yeah?" And when the younger nodded obendiently in remorse, the blonde added softly, though with demand underlining his tone, "And text your friends. Tell them you can't make it tonight." 

_Heaven is on earth,_

_I will do anything for you babe._

Burying his face further into his boyfriend's bare chest and soaking up his homely scent of fresh coconut body wash and natural vanilla and hazy cigarette smoke, Tyler could only bring himself to nod silently once more; the stinging pain encapsulating the whole right side of his surely bruising face beginning to feel numb beneath the older man's contrastingly tender touches.

Maybe, Tyler supposed, Josh's love would always be the cure.

"Love you, kid. Never forget that."

_I love you forever,_

_I love you forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the song ultraviolence, the man being sung about is referred to as jim and that was really amusing to me because all I could think about while writing this was spooky Jim..
> 
> josh is such a sweet, soft person in real life I feel so bad writing him as such a dick. 
> 
> love you guys ♥️


	7. pretty when you cry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm stronger than all my men,  
> Except for you.

Though, Tyler supposed, that the singular slap which left behind a blossoming bruise in shades of rosy red and blushing pink in the vague shape of his boyfriend's hand that was ever so slowly fading into the faint remnants of deep purples and yellowing skin should've been a blaring alarm, a siren of sorts, in any sane person's mind to pack up and run far away, not one bone in his fragile body felt compelled to leave Josh behind in the dust. 

If anything, in a sickening and unfathomable way, the sharp pain that seemed to replay in his mind like some sort of harrowing hallucination each and every time he caught sight of the evidence in a passing mirror, only drew him further into the strong, tattooed arms of the older man; strengthened Tyler's desperate desire to regain his boyfriend's praise and acceptance and love. 

Not that he could've gone home anyway with a face destroyed by endless tears and harsh hands. 

Of course, their _relationship_ was far from perfect, but with each passing day, it seemingly got harder and harder for the brunette to see his _boyfriend_ as anything other than perfect. 

If anything, _Tyler_ was the one who was far from perfect.

He was the one who couldn't satisfy Josh enough to prevent him from disappearing for hours on end to no doubt sleep with someone else. He was the one who didn't indulge in the same less than healthy lifestyle as the blonde, and therefore couldn't provide the same high as his sleazy friends. Tyler was the one who made the older man angry by being ungrateful or disobedient, so he supposed that perhaps he did deserve the drunkenly shouted criticisms and occasional bruises wrapping around his dainty wrist and slowly beginning to litter themselves across other areas of his body. 

 _He_ was the one causing problems, so Tyler supposed that perhaps Josh was right when he told him exactly that. And really, it was damn near impossible to not believe every word that left the other man's lips, especially when those words were sweet, low murmurs muffled against the brunette's skin or whispered low in his ear, telling the kid how much he loved him more than anything else in the entire god forsaken world. 

 _All those little times you said that I'm your girl,_  
_You make me feel like your whole world._

Josh loved him, and he was sure of that. 

He was still sure of that, or at least Tyler attempted to convince himself, even when he came home to his boyfriend's penthouse only to be met with blunt silence other than the muffled noises coming from the direction of their bedroom. 

The faint, low sounds of the blonde's growls. 

The repetitive, dull slamming of the headboard against the bedroom wall. 

The unfamiliar, high-pitched and overly-sweet squeals and screams of his boyfriend's name falling from the stranger's mouth like a damn prayer. 

 _I'll wait for you, babe,_  
_It's all I do, babe,_

Despite wanting nothing less than to hear the symphony of pleasured noises ringing through the apartment, that twisted at his stomach and left bitter bile rising in his throat and shiny veils of tears stinging his eyes, Tyler settled into the corner seat of the couch in a tense wait for his boyfriend to emerge; legs pulled up to his chest, pouty lips being bitten to hell and his heart thumping in his chest with an overload of anxiety greater than ever before. 

 _Don't come through, babe,_  
_You never do._

Unable to even attempt to hold back the overflow of emotions pushing at his every barrier like rushing water breaking through the final, weak cracks in the dam, the brunette's hands flew up to instantly catch the silent trails of warm tears slipping down his cheeks; fingers swiping away the dampness and long eyelashes fluttering wildly to bat away the blurriness forming and distorting the view of Josh strolling out of the bedroom; his faded blonde hair messy from having someone else's fingers tug at it, bare chest sheening with sweat, lips swollen and shiny from kisses that weren't his and a pretty girl with auburn hair and wide eyes and a constellation of fresh hickeys trailing across her neck still clinging to his side.

 _Because I'm pretty when I cry._  
_I'm pretty when I cry._

Tyler turned his gaze away to absentmindedly scan the view of the glinting stars in the sky just beyond the huge glass window of the apartment as his boyfriend got rid of his latest love, or more so _lust_ , affair, and realised he probably didn't even need to look in their direction to have an idea of what their goodbye looked like if the hushed sounds of the unfamiliar girl's provoking giggles and the brief noise of wet lips smacking together was anything to go by; the kid's attention only being drawn back to his somewhat dismal reality when the elevator doors quietly closed and padding of his boyfriend's feet across the wooden floor and in his direction became prominent within the silence.

A familiar, coarse hand brushing through the the brunette's silky curls in what Tyler supposed was intended to be a comforting move, but only served to make his whole body damn near freeze up, the older man collapsed beside him on the couch with an exhausted huff, reeking of sex and sweat and rose-scented perfume and nothing at all like his usual homely scent of vanilla and cigarette smoke. And only when Josh cupped his face and tilted the younger's head to connect their gazes did he notice the all too recognisable irritated, red tint that rimmed the blonde's nose and his bloodshot eyes, the cracking of his lips and the ever so faint remnants of a white powdery residue brushing the ridge just above them.

_All those special times I spent with you, my love,_  
_They don't mean shit compared to all your drugs._

"Why are you crying?" Josh asked softly, in a sharp contrast to the low raspiness of his worn out voice, continuing with his inescapable strokes of the kid's hair and the smoothing of his thumb across Tyler's cheek in a sweep of the shimmering tear tracks that painted his flushed cheeks.

 _'Cause I'm pretty when I cry._  
_I'm pretty when I cry._

"Because I fucking hate you," the brunette whispered in response, voice wavering ever so slightly with both looming nervousness at the response he'd receive and uncertainty within his own words; really, Tyler wanted to believe those words, he wanted them to be true and he wanted the older man to hate him too so that it could be the end of whatever _this_ was. The end of _them._

But really, it wasn't true at all.

"No you don't," Josh responded without missing a single beat, and without even so much as stalling in his soothing movements, as his tone remained low and unaffected; a drastic difference to what the kid had been expecting as per usual, with his angry glares and his bellowed curses and tight grips.

Hardening his own fawn-eyed stare as much as physically possible when there were still unstoppable tears welling up in his pretty eyes, the younger of the two stated tiredly "I'm sick of you fucking cheating on me, J. You don't go a whole week anymore without disappearing to fuck someone else and _I can't do it anymore_. How can you just act like it's nothing all of the time?"

"Because it is nothing," the older man shrugged almost carelessly, the hand that was tangled in the brunette's locks shifting to cup the other side of his face delicately and keeping their gazes locked no matter how much Tyler wished to look away from the eyes that without fail always melted his innocent heart and left him like putty in the hands of his boyfriend. "None of those people mean anything, s'just for fun, yeah? But you're different. I need _you_. And you need me, Tyler."

 _Don't say you need me when_  
_You leave and you leave again._

" _Stop it._ "

"Stop _what_ , kid?"

" _Stop_ trying to convince me that this is okay," Tyler huffed with an unstoppable sob, pushing away the blonde's surprisingly light grip on his face and tearing away from his touch to wipe his own damp doe-eyes, standing from the sofa with an evidently nervous stumble and pushing past Josh's legs with his sights set on the elevator once and for all. Perhaps to any other person, the answer would've been one so obvious that it was essentially screaming in your face, but Tyler realised that he still didn't know what he wanted.

One half of him wanted the older man to let him go silently. No more confrontation. No more shouting. No more guilt tripping. _No more them_.

But the other half of him, the bigger half that was so undeniably in love with the blonde sitting behind him, wanted nothing more than for Josh to chase after him. To stop him, and tell him that he loved him, full of reassurance and sweet murmurs and naive promises that made the kid melt into his touch and fall beneath his enchanting spell of pure adoration once more. 

Not that it mattered what Tyler wanted anyway.

One expectedly large hard grabbing at his wrist, the brunette was instantly pulled back into those oh so familiar strong arms, his tear-induced sobs wracking against Josh's body as the blonde's lips instantaneously began to trail along his neck, peppering soft kisses along every inch of Tyler's tanned skin in spite of his whines at the unsolicited affection. Voice muffled against his skin, Josh hummed lowly "You're being dramatic, baby boy. Y'cant leave me now, not if you love me," adding in a whisper that was almost believable this time around, "'Cause I need you, kid. _I need you here._ "

 _Don't say you need me here,_  
_You leave us, you're leaving,_

Perhaps Tyler wasn't sure how much longer he could do whatever the hell this was, but the choice of whether to leave or to stay was one already decided for him the second the older man's lips brushed against his skin and warmed him from the inside out; comparable more to a burning fire deep inside of the kid that left his whole being feeling numb to every sensation other than Josh himself, rather than the happy and warm kind of fuzziness that he fell for in the first place all of those months ago.

" _Josh_.."

_I can't do it, I can't do it,_

"Stop overthinking everything," the blonde demanded, voice still soft and velvety against his skin in the way that sent involuntary shivers down the brunette's spine with each single breath yet this time laced with the stern undertone that Tyler had been expecting in the first place; the tone that always left no room for argument and essentially stitched the kid's lips together in the dismissal of any kind of retort. 

"You wouldn't ever consider leaving if you loved me." 

_But you do it well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if it's just me but this chapter seems weirdly written  
> and i love you all, as always, and thank you for reading or commenting or kudos-ing and all of that stuff ♥️


	8. is this happiness.

Over the week or so following their latest altercation, which surprisingly hadn't ended in fearful confrontation and purpling bruises for once, Tyler noticed three things.

The first, was that his contact with anyone besides the older man became more restricted than ever before in their relationship, with Josh finding some way to interrupt and cut off any attempts without fail every single time. Whenever the brunette suggested visiting home to see his siblings whilst his parents were away with work or meeting up with his friends for a coffee, his boyfriend would change his mind either with a simple glare of unmitigated dissatisfaction that seemed to be a silent threat for the repeat of their physical run-in or with a flurry of affectionate kisses littered across his skin; soft touches and murmured sweet nothings that left Tyler drunk on love and always led him back into the blonde's bed rather than towards the elevator.

And when it came to his phone, the older man just so happened to have difficulty locating a phone charger around the apartment every single time.

Not that Tyler allowed himself to question the possessive behaviour, though.

The second thing that Tyler noticed was that Josh was gradually beginning to act more distant, in that their occasional and more loving interactions of cuddling on the couch when the kid was sleepy and eating dinner together in the evenings and languidly making love early in the morning as a wake up call were becoming less and less frequent, being replaced by fleeting kisses to the brunette's cheek before the older man disappeared for the night and Josh stumbling back into the apartment in the early hours of the morning smelling like a mixture of whiskey and that same sickening, rose-scented perfume, and the sex between them being reduced to nothing more than a quick fuck whenever the blonde was in the mood that often ended with the younger of the two laying alone and aching in bed as his boyfriend wordlessly left to smoke on the balcony.

This too, Tyler seemed to rationalise, given that his sudden and short bouts of disinterest in the kid weren't a rare occurrence in their relationship.

The third and final thing that the brunette noticed, in ways other than just the lingering scent of rose petal perfume that practically engulfed Josh constantly, was the sudden prominence of the same auburn-haired and wide-eyed girl in his boyfriend's life ever since that night; whether it had been through simple texts that Tyler caught sight of, lighting up the older man's phone screen as the two of them lay in bed together at night, or through their frequent meet-ups that the blonde regularly excused himself to attend, Josh was very clearly investing his undivided attention elsewhere as of late.

And it made Tyler feel sick to his stomach; the feeling of betrayal being comparable to a dagger slashing deep cuts along every inch of his skin as the constant questioning of whether his boyfriend even loved him anymore washed over him like a harsh wave, filling his lungs with endless bouts of salty water and making breathing damn near impossible at even the lone thought of unrequited love.

Josh _had_ to still love him though, Tyler had supposed, or he wouldn't keep him around.

At least, that's what he convinced himself into believing.

Those three things were exactly the reason in which the brunette had been so surprised to actually wake up with Josh beside him for what felt like the first time in as long as he could remember, with those tattooed arms wrapped around his waist and his warm, minty breath brushing across the back of Tyler's neck and his coarse fingers tracing aimless and invisible patterns across the kid's tummy as he finally came around from the sleep-induced haziness.

"Morning, beautiful," the older man murmured against his neck upon noticing that Tyler was finally awake, both the sleepy raspiness of his heavenly voice and the pet name that had been oh-so out of use lately simultaneously causing a shiver to run down the kid's spine and leaving every single hair on his body standing upright; the brunette almost on instinct leaning back further into Josh's comforting hold despite the sickening lingering scent of vodka practically radiating off of him.

"I didn't hear you come in last night," Tyler stated simply in lieu of a similar morning greeting, voice almost like a whisper as to not disturb both the quiet lull of their bedroom and his boyfriend's seemingly calm mood given the fact that his hungover self was usually irritable, with a bite of his bottom lip out of an attempt to hold back everything else he wished he could just unleash on the older man without fear for the backlash.

"That's 'cause I only came in an hour ago," Josh explained without missing a beat, the indifferent shrug he no doubt gave being blatantly obvious in his tone in a way that made the brunette want to scream until his throat became numb, "Crashed somewhere else for the night."

Every single time this happened, it felt like he was hitting the same brick wall over and over again, with the older man being vague about his obvious whereabouts, acting as though it was nothing at all and then dissolving the kid's concerns away with affectionate kisses that without fail left him wanting to be mad but unable to even fathom feeling the faded anger.

_You're a hard man to love._

"Where?"

"Friend's place."

" _Her_ place?" Tyler snapped bitterly, gaze trained on the guilty reflection of his boyfriend in the mirror adorning the wall opposite him but refusing to let the usual tears that tended to make an appearance blur his vision this time as he swallowed the growing lump in the back of his throat and cautiously slipped away from the hand trailing along his bare chest.

The question was one that expected an answer, but really, the brunette didn't need to hear it spoken aloud for his suspicion to be confirmed; that all too familiar lingering rose-petal perfume smell, the faint yet still visible scratches caused only by long nails along Josh's toned arms and the smudge of half-heartedly rubbed away ruby lipstick still painting his collarbone all being give away signs of his infidelity no matter how much he refused to admit it.

"Does it fucking matter where I was?" Josh hissed, the predictable and all too common annoyance that left the kid's heart practically frozen in his chest already beginning to seep into his voice, as the large hand resting on the younger of the two's hip began to tighten in a vice-like grip that would no doubt add to the decorative, yellowing bruises that already littered varying inches of his tanned skin. "'M here now, aren't I?"

_You like to rage, don't do that,  
_

A shaky sigh falling from his bitten, irritatedly pink lips and fawn-eyes fluttering shut with silent frustration, Tyler breathed out exhaustedly "That's not the point, J."

"It _is_ the point, kid," the blonde dismissed lowly, the hand holding onto Tyler's waist yanking him back to rest on his back, eliciting a barely noticeable breath hitch of surprise from the brunette as his boyfriend shifted to hover over him; forearms resting either side of the kid's face like some sort of trap and the irritation glinting in his usually comforting eyes being the only sign of emotion on his blank face. "I'm here for you, _constantly_ , but you're so fucking paranoid and obsessed with Debby that you don't appreciate it. Am I not allowed to have friends anymore?"

_You want your way, you make me so mad._

Resisting the urge to scoff, at both the hypocrisy of the fact that the brunette didn't even know if _he_ had friends anymore thanks to Josh and the fact that the older man's seemingly ongoing affair was being labelled simple as a 'friendship', given the fact it already felt as though he was walking on thin ice when it came to Josh's temper, Tyler simply whispered "Do you cheat on me with all of your _'friends'?"_

_Is this happiness?_

"What the fuck is your problem?" Josh laughed condescendingly with a tilt of his head, an action that could've seemed as though it was hinting towards a playful argument had his eyes not visibly darkened in the way that they always did when he was only after one of two things; sex, or an argument that was more of a one-sided, shout at and threaten the brunette kind of argument given that the younger of the two was always too nervous to snap back. "Did I call it cheating when you let Brendon fuck you, right in front of me?"

_I think you're fucking crazy as the day is long._

Accusation damn near knocking the brunette breathless, almost as though his boyfriend's hand was painfully slamming against his face once more, Tyler choked out desperately as though Josh's forgiveness was all that mattered from that point forward, " _J.._ That.. it wasn't my choice. I didn't want that. _You know_ I didn't," adding in a vulnerable and barely audible whisper, "I did it because you wanted me to."

"Didn't look like you didn't want it," the blonde scoffed, though his sudden movement was a confusing contradiction to the burning bitterness lacing his words; slightly chapped, cherry-chapstick tinged lips swooping down to attach themselves to the kid, nipping at the underside of his jaw and covering the column of his neck with rough, vodka-infused kisses. "Didn't _sound_ like you didn't want it either."

_Man to man, heart to heart,_

"J.." Tyler gasped, body instinctively curving up into the touches that'd been so neglected as of late despite the fact that his heart was torn into two; one half feeling intoxicated by the other woman's perfume, imagining nothing other than his boyfriend in bed with someone else and wanting to punch his deceivingly charming face, while the other found itself justifying the blonde's actions, melting into his touches and soaking up any amount of love Josh was willing to show him in a time of such desperation.

Strong hands grabbing either side of his thighs and hitching them up around his waist in a singular, practised movement, the older man connected their lips in a wet, stale-cigarette tasting kiss that wiped away any coherent thought or argument from the brunette's mind before humming against his lips in that oh so seductive raspy tone, "Those sounds are mine to hear, yeah? 'Cause you're _mine_ , kitten."

And if Tyler had any will left in him to pull away and fight off the other man's consistent avoidance of their problems, it was certainly washed away with a tidal wave of adoration at those words alone.

  
_I love you but you drive me so far._

" _Yours_ ," the younger of the two confirmed naively, face nuzzling into the crook of Josh's neck with a gentle sigh of what was both relief and pure exhaustion; relief for what seemed like his forgiveness, yet exhaustion at the circle that the two of them seemed to be running in over and over and _over_ again.

But now, Tyler wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up for.

_Is this happiness?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who hates josh? we all hate josh! (never thought i'd say that)


	9. sad girl.

During the passing weeks of their inevitably destructive relationship, for what Tyler assumed was possibly the first time ever following one of their common disputes or violent altercations, things didn't get better to the point in which the brunette was essentially blinded by love in the forms of tender kisses to his neck and unusually gentle fingers running through his hair and softly murmured 'I love you's' that melted against his lips every damn time and left the kid unable to even consider thinking straight. Tyler was so, so used to the older man maintaining that unforgiving grasp on his heart through those very displays of affection, in an attempt to seemingly make up for whatever scathing comment or stinging slap that'd occurred most recently, that he was almost stunned to the point of something between confusion and speechlessness when the post-abuse tenderness never once reared it's head.

Things didn't get better this time, but they also didn't get worse. Though really, Tyler has considered, things couldn't necessarily get worse than they already were, and he couldn't decide whether that was a blessing or a curse.

_Creeping around on the side,_

Tyler had also considered, on the many nights in which he was alone in bed with Josh was nowhere to be found and the only trace of his presence being the lingering smell of vanilla and stale cigarette smoke on the sheets, that things for the two of them would only end in one of two ways, given that one of them had to tire of running the same circle repeatedly sooner or later. He was sure that any day soon the blonde would realise that keeping the kid around was near worthless now that _Debby_ was in the picture, and he'd dispose of the younger without even so much as a goodbye or a second glance. 

_Might not be somethin' you would do._

And if that didn't happen, then maybe Tyler himself would be the one to run out of energy, and he'd finally find the courage to leave the older man once and for all, unallowing of the sweet kisses and reassuring words and dominating stares that broke down his barriers like they always seemed to do, no matter how much he wished that they didn't.

Or maybe, _just maybe_ , Josh would kill him before either of the other two occurred.

That one was unlikely though, given that Tyler still liked to believe that his boyfriend's aggressive, seemingly second persona did have _some_ boundaries.

But despite how unfamiliar their current way of going about the relationship felt to the kid, the situation he was in itself felt all too familiar.

_But you haven't seen my man,_

Just like that very first time they met, the sleazy club was dark and hazy, the only visibility being provided by the fluorescent lights of the dance floor, electric blues and whites that illuminated pale yet faintly bruised skin and flashed across the younger of the two's face as he leant against the velour seats of their booth; this time, not swaying his hips softly to the beats of the pounding music and losing himself in the deafening melodies of whichever overplayed song was ringing through the air, but instead standing by quietly and absentmindedly swirling the straw around his half-drained drink as his gaze lingered longingly on the blonde only a few paces away from him.

_You haven't seen my man,_

Even after all this time, and all that had happened, the first thought that dashed through the kid's mind ever so briefly every time their stares locked for so much as a brief second was that Josh was still _so fucking hot_ with his almost predatory stare that gleamed beneath the beaming strobe lights and that faded blonde hair in it's perfectly messy state and those toned, tattooed arms that the brunette could still feel himself being pinned down by should he focus on the thought for a beat too long.

_You haven't seen him._

Tyler snapped out of his damn near pathetic fantasising about the older man and that very first night the two of them had met, and was dragged back into his considerably dim reality the second he caught sight of the blonde in the corner of his eye, excusing himself from the gathering of his seedy and equally inebriated friends to saunter over to the younger of the two with an empty glass in either hand and his usually endearing, smoothly teasing smirk quirking ever so slightly at the corner of his lips; a shock, given that the kid couldn't remember the last time his boyfriend had shot even so much as a brief smile in his direction.

_He's got the fire and he walks with fame,_

"Hey, gorgeous," Josh greeted in his slightly slurred voice, yet still husky, low and silky smooth in the way that it always was after he'd downed a couple of whiskeys and never failed to make the brunette's knees feel that little bit weaker, alongside a barely noticeable yet uncontrollable rosy flush painting itself across his cheeks in response to the complimentary pet name of which hadn't been used in a while. Lips running along the curve of Tyler's jaw, the blonde hummed in a tone just about audible above the music, "Y'having fun?"

Ignoring the overwhelming, and somewhat nauseating, scent of unidentified liquor lingering on his boyfriend's warm breath and fanning across his cheek, the younger simply nodded his head in dishonest agreement; lips wrapping around the swirling straw of his drink and taking a sip of the bitter mixture as a way of distraction from talking back, seeing as most of the time his unwanted complaints were the main cause of their arguments. 

Flashing the kid a crooked, drunken smirk of beaming white teeth and crinkled eyes that almost made him seem lovable, a facade that Tyler had stupidly fallen for time and time again, the older man pulled back from the close-contact and dumped the two empty glasses on the table beside the booth with an encouraging pat to the brunette's thigh. "Go and get me and Pete another drink, yeah?" He half asked-half-demanded, familiar dominance lacing his tone, before backing away to his growing crowd of sleazebag friends without even so much as waiting for an answer thanks to the knowledge that Tyler probably wouldn't dare say no. 

_He's got the fire and he talks with fame._

And though he wished he could've said no, he didn't.

_Like always._

Fresh drinks in hand, the brunette worked his way back across the room from the bar, dainty body brushing against a plethora of drunken and trashy strangers on the dancefloor who daringly tugged at his itty-bitty waist or reached out for his perky ass, whilst simultaneously attempting to avoid meeting the burning gazes of said creeps as he almost wished for Josh to be by his side for once; when the older man was with him, no stranger even dared to glance in the direction of the pouty-lipped, fawn-eyed teenager wrapped up in his arms.

But, _like always_ , Josh was too busy at someone else's side.

_His bonnie on the side, bonnie on the side,_

Breath catching in his throat, Tyler stopped in his tracks upon the sudden appearance of that same auburn-haired and wide-eyed girl; an arm wrapped tightly around the blonde's waist as he slung one over her shoulder adoringly to pull her closer, peering up at Josh with a look of pure adoration that the kid himself had once sported 24/7 and an abundance of high-pitched, irritatingly joyous giggles falling from her smudged lips as she trailed manicured nails along the stains of lipstick left in place along the column of his boyfriend's neck.

_Makes me a sad, sad girl._

And maybe, Tyler supposed, he should've been used to seeing it by now.

Maybe he should merely feel numb at the sight in front of him.

But that wasn't the case at all. 

_I'm a sad girl, I'm a sad girl, I'm a sad girl._

Tyler also supposed, as the whiskey and ice-filled glasses in his hands clattered to the floor with a resounding shatter audible even over the pounding bass of whichever song was filtering through the air from the main area of the club, that having his chest sliced open slowly with a piercingly sharp knife and having his pulsing heart stabbed repeatedly until it failed to function any further would've been less painful than watching his boyfriend's lips capture hers in a kiss filled with more passion than the kid had felt in a long time.

_I'm a sad girl, I'm a bad girl, I'm a bad girl._

Glass shattering loudly and amber liquid spilling in a pooling puddle only feet away from where she and Josh were stood, the blonde's attention was instantly redirected in the younger of the two's direction; boredom, at what he expected would be another of Tyler's childish outbursts that ended in the kid being teary and apologetic, being blatantly painted across his face as he quirked an unbothered eyebrow in Tyler's direction and ran his gaze over the brunette's distressed appearance with no sign of the usual, playful glint that was adored so greatly.

"You're such a fucking asshole," Tyler snapped, biting back the unworthily spilled tears that were threatening to burst free despite their presence being obvious within the crack in his syrupy-sweet tone, fingernails digging into the soft skin of his palm painfully as the older man took a step closer towards him regardless of the mess surrounding their feet.  

Head tilting ever so slightly, as though he was briefly taken aback by surprising change from the younger's usual passive agreement with just about everything Josh threw in his direction, the blonde reached out towards the brunette, coarse fingers wrapping around his dainty wrist like a restraint and clicking his tongue in annoyance. Stare hardening somewhat, in a odd contrast to that oh-so familiar smirk tugging at his slicked lips, Josh challenged "What was that, kitten? Think about what you're saying before you repeat it."

_Watch what you say to me,_

In complete ignorance of the older man's threatening suggestion to rethink his words, thanks to the fact that every ounce of blinding love that once filled his veins seemed to have spilled alongside the shiny, foul-scented liquor now covering the already sticky club floor, the kid blinked away the veil of tears blurring his view of his boyfriend and hissed in return, " _I said_ you're a fucking asshole. You're a fucking abusive, cheating drug-addict and I wish I'd never met you, because you've completely ruined my fucking life. Now let go of me."

Tugging Tyler closer into his chest as opposed to complying with his angered demand and gripping a little tighter in the way that would no doubt leave those same, purpling bruises in place, the blonde's amused laugh rang in his ears even louder than the deafening music that near-drowned out their dispute before fading into an all too routine growl; low in the way that it sent shivers down the kid's spine, though not in the pleasurable way that his boyfriend used to induce. "Watch that mouth of yours, you little brat. And stop making a fucking scene."

_Careful who you're talkin' to._

"I said _let go of me_ , J," the brunette shouted shakily with a unsuccessful tug away from Josh's tight grip, loud enough to catch the surrounding groups attention as he fearfully resorted to the only plan of escape running through his lightly drunken mind; his free, delicate hand swinging across the older man's exposed, lipstick ridden cheek in a sharp slap that surprisingly simultaneously knocked his head back with the unsuspected force and loosed the grip on the kid's aching wrist.

With those deep, hazel eyes that used to be oh-so comforting suddenly flaring with a bout of rage so profound that Tyler was sure he'd never seen anything like it before, and the veins in his tensing hand seeming seconds away from popping completely, the gravity of the thoughtless action washed over the younger like a drowning tidal wave; the kid immediately backing away from the blonde with a somewhat apologetic, but mostly terrified whimper. 

_I'm on fire, baby,_

Apparently, Josh was right when he always said Tyler never learnt.

Talking back _alone_ was enough to anger the older man to the point of bruising the brunette as punishment. 

Like a sudden shock to the system, the second the blonde raised his hand in what felt like a sickening recreation of that one, unspoken night in which Tyler had been left with a blossoming bruise in shades of rosy red and blushing pink in the vague shape of his boyfriend's hand, the barrier of tears was instantly broken by the striking fear that seemed to slash right through his cowering body; shiny droplets of tears, that reflected each and every fluorescent light dancing around the darkened room, sloping down either cheek in rapid trails and his breath catching in his throat with anticipation.

Rather than being met with the expected open-handed crack across his face though, he felt nothing.

Nothing but the sudden presence of Brendon diving in front of him in protection; hands grabbing the older man's own in a swift reaction and forcing them away regardless of his unmatchable strength, much to Josh's increasing anger. "Fuckin' _stop it_ , J," the other brunette growled, as Debby pawed at his tensed arm softly in what appeared to be an attempt to calm him down somewhat, "He's just a kid, for christ's sake."

"Bren, let go of me _now or I swear-_ "

"Try to touch him again, J, and _I_ swear _I'll_ kill _you_ ," Brendon threatened sternly, pushing the older man away and into the wide-eyed girl's soothing hold as his fiery glare remained locked on the brunette's teary, flushed face. "You've had way too much to fucking drink, dude."

Clearly sensing they had moments to make their escape before Josh's uncontrollable anger burst at the seams once more, the older brunette turned to Tyler with a softened gaze so unlike the usual sly smirk the kid was so often used to seeing gracing his reddened lips and murmured "C'mon, kid. I'll take you home if you want."

" _Please._ "

Another low growl ripping from his throat, built up from both the lingering slap that stung his cheek and the sight of his boyfriend reaching for Brendon's outstretched hand as the other brushed away stray tears that still littered his pretty face, Josh snarled "I swear _to god_ , Tyler. If you dare walk out of this club, _that's it._ _We're done,_ and you're _never_ fucking coming back."

And within a heartbeat, with Brendon's comforting hold wrapped around him, Tyler was already making a beeline towards the exit without even so much as a glance back at the blonde.

_I'm on fire._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one or two chapters to go! (just depending on which way i choose to end it)


	10. flipside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe on the flipside you could catch me again.

Maybe, Tyler figured, it would've been the easier option to just buy replacements for every single belonging of his left behind at the older man's penthouse, rather than turn up little under a week later, completely uninvited and with the intention of leaving peacefully with his things. Because Josh may well have been drunk, or at least slightly out of it thanks to some sort of unidentifiable drug that night at the club, but the brunette was more than certain that he would've remembered what went down between them with clarity.

And perhaps facing the man who you'd slapped and broken up with on the spot, especially when man in question was prone to violence himself and had undeniable anger issues, wasn't his greatest idea to date.

But, Tyler also figured, there was absolutely no turning back the second the elevator doors opened and brought him face to face with his ex-boyfriend, looking worse than the younger had ever seen throughout the duration of their whole relationship, which was saying something given that he'd seen Josh at the lowest of lows time and time again after nights out of endless boozing and snorting more coke than he could even begin to comprehend. 

Josh's eyes, which had once been soft and caring in the way that left the brunette more or less melting beneath his loving gaze, were bloodshot to hell and glazed over with a dullness that he wasn't sure he'd seen before; lacking any form of their usual captivating depth and serving only to make Tyler gulp as his apathetic stare essentially burned holes into his face. His faded blonde hair, now with hints of natural brown roots beginning to peek through, was messy and so obviously unwashed, and the light stubble brushing his chin only added to the image and further confirmed the younger's suspicions that self-care had been thrown out of the window a while ago.

He looked nothing like the handsome, god-like stranger the kid had first acquainted himself with all that time ago under the fluorescent lights of the hazy club, with his crooked smile and flashing white teeth and alluring aura of unshakable confidence. 

Maybe that would make this whole thing slightly easier.

One thing, however, did remain, that'd stood from the very beginning of their relationship and never once faltered; the lingering and somewhat overbearing scent of whiskey and stale cigarette smoke coating the blonde's breath and attacking Tyler's senses.

It used to be a comforting smell, and the smell of home. A smell that sent shivers down his spine and made his head spin with lust-ridden anticipation.

But now it only made the younger of the two gag, as though he was being knocked about by his ex-boyfriend all over again and was seconds away from violently spewing up the contents of his stomach.

"You're back," Josh stated bluntly, his voice low and husky the way it always got after he'd been drinking, and with a hint of surprise laced in the undertones despite the fact that not even a single flash of emotion crossed his face as he eyed the brunette up and down lazily.

_Are you gonna hurt me now?_

"No, I'm not _back,_ " Tyler corrected sternly, though his own tone still remained how it typically always was whenever he was around the admittedly intimidating man; soft, hushed and still a near-whisper, although it seemed like a shout within the deafening silence of the penthouse, in order to avoid agitating him any further than necessary. "I'm just here to pick up my things, and then I'm going again."

He knew it was wrong, and it couldn't have been more obvious to him that getting away from the blonde was the only option to even consider, but a tiny, deep-rooted part of his infatuated heart still clung to the last hope that the older man would change his mind with a sincerely murmured apology into the crook of his neck and a constellation of sweet, tender kisses to his skin, because those very kisses always used to be able to wash away the persistent feeling of hurt and fill him with nothing but love.

Apparently not though, because Josh stepped aside wordlessly with only a slight stumble; his tattooed arm outstretching in a signal for the brunette to go about his business and the half-emptied beer bottle in his other hand instantly returning to his lips.

_Or are you gonna hurt me later?_

Snapping out of his brief second of pathetic pining, especially pathetic given that he knew the older man in no way deserved to so much as even breathe the same air as him anymore and had been reminded so multiple times by a certain someone ever since that night at the bar, Tyler was drawn back to reality by the profound click of the glass against Josh's teeth; the kid clearing his throat awkwardly and wandering back into the very place he realised he'd wasted so much of his time.

Wasted his time loving the blonde, and worshipping him, and yearning for him, and crying over him.

All while his beloved ex-boyfriend was living his life carelessly; getting blackout drunk, coked out of his mind and fucking just about anyone who fell under the fire of his desiring gaze.

Not loving Tyler, or worshipping him, or yearning for him. And never once shedding a single damn tear over him. 

It only took mere minutes to pack up the few important things scattered around the lounge, with the brunette not even bothering to venture into the bedroom for his less important clothing seeing as he wanted to get in and out as soon as physically possible, but it felt like hours with the way the older man's stare pinned to his back, like a firing arrow focusing on a target. But when he finally found the tiniest urge of confidence needed to gaze up and meet Josh's own, it wasn't what he'd been expecting at all. 

_You've got me all freaked out tonight._

No longer glazed over and emotionless, or even filled with unquestionable anger as Tyler was oh so used to seeing, the blonde's deep hazel eyes were, for what was quite possibly the first time ever since the two of them had met, tinged with an undertone of anguish; watery and wide and almost heartbreaking enough that the sight alone probably would've been the younger's breaking point had the unpleasant memories of their relationship not been running like an unstoppable movie reel in the back of his mind.

  _Somethin' you're tellin' me, what? I don't know._

"Don't go," Josh whispered so faintly it would've been unheard had the penthouse not been painstakingly dead, usually confident voice raspy and wavering; whether it was down to his seemingly intoxicated and unstable state, or even down to the looming nervousness at the response he'd receive, the brunette wasn't quite sure, but it was unsettling regardless. Unsettling because he couldn't think back to a time his ex-boyfriend had shown genuine emotion like this. And maybe it was exactly what that one part of his still infatuated heart had longed for the whole time, but that didn't mean it felt any more right.

Flickering his fawn-eyed stare away nervously, and instead fumbling with the stiff zipper of his bag as a suitable distraction from the man in front of him, the kid mumbled "I can't stay, Josh.. I can't, and I won't."

He couldn't.

"You can," the blonde assured shakily, despite the fact that neither of them truly believed it, and though his affirmation sounded stern as per routine, things couldn't be more different now; his once demanding stare was dead in the dust, replaced instead only by a desperately pleading gaze as Josh closed the gap between the two of with a weak waver and reached up to brush the backs of his fingers across the paled skin of Tyler's cheek. "You can stay with me, and we'll work it out. We can work this out together, baby."

 _You don't wanna break me down,_ _  
_

" _Don't,_ " Tyler warned without missing a beat, pulling away from the burning touch of fingertips against his skin and clutching onto the straps of his backpack so tightly that the colour began to drain from his fingers to the point in which they almost matched his washed-out face. Taking another step back and giving a swift shake of his head, the brunette continued "Don't call me that, don't touch me.. please. We can't keep doing this, and running in circles again and again.. You can't keep trying to convince me that this is okay, J."

"I _need you,_ kid."

_You don't wanna say goodbye._

"No, you don't. You've _never_ needed me, Josh," the brunette snapped bitterly, voice raising for the first time since he'd made his reappearance as his half-pitiful, half-angered gaze fixated on the older man's face, though refused to let the sight of tears dampening his eyelashes and only building on his somewhat ruined image waver his confidence in the slightest. " _God.._ You didn't even _want me_ half of the time. You wanted _Debby._ I was just another warm body for you to sleep with and keep around for whenever no-one else was interested, right?"

And at one point, Tyler was sure, the spoken admittance of what their relationship really was from the very beginning would've killed him; would've left him sick to his stomach, with a feeling comparable to being punched, with endless tracks of wet and salty tears trailing his cheeks and breathless to the point in which he was sure his lungs were no longer capable of functioning on their own. All because Josh had once, with his charming smirk and strong arms and velvety voice and homely vanilla scent, been his oxygen.

But now? _Now,_ the escape only felt like an overwashing tidal wave of satisfaction.

" _No,_ " the blonde dismissed in a broken and noticeably choked-up growl, before reaching forward once more to cup either side of the kid's face in his coarse hands regardless of his nervous hitch of breath. Pressing his forehead against Tyler's own and smoothing his thumbs tenderly across the lines of his cheekbones, the older man whispered "I love you so much, Tyler. What do I have to do to prove it? Tell me what, and I'll do it, kid."

When someone else's happiness was your happiness, that was love, Tyler remembered.

"I loved you too, but you've gotta let me move on, J. Let me be happy somewhere else, and with someone new," the younger pleaded almost breathlessly, nose brushing against Josh's damp cheek despite the fact that his ex-boyfriend's surprisingly soft touches felt like acid burning holes into his skin, and painfully chipping away at the barrier he'd worked so hard to begin rebuilding around his heart. "Prove it to me by letting me go and getting help for yourself. _Please._ "

_"Babe?"_

The piercingly irritable, and vaguely familiar voice cutting through the suffocating tension between the two of them like a shard of glass instantly caught Tyler's attention, with the kid instantly flashing his gaze in the direction of the bedroom and landing upon a face he probably shouldn't have surprised to see. _Debby,_ with her messy hair and wide, love-filled eyes and a constellation of fresh hickeys trailing across her neck and the faint beginnings of tiny, purpling bruises in the shape of fingerprints wrapping around her wrist.

He didn't even know whether he was surprised or not anymore, because no emotion could even touch the numbness he felt.

"You're fucking sick," the brunette whispered without missing a beat.

"Ty.."

"How can you stand there and cry and tell me you love me and beg me to stay, when _she's_ in your bed?" Tyler scoffed in questioning with a breathless sob of his own, slapping away the older man's weak hold on his face and swiping away at the veil of tears beginning to blur his own vision with the refusal to let Josh see him cry even one last time. Pushing past him with only a slight unnerved stumble and recoiling his hand away from where the blonde reached out to tug him back, the younger spat "You need help, Josh."

"Tyler, I love you."

"Fuck you." 

_Maybe on the flipside you could catch me again._

The next time the elevator doors opened, Tyler was brought face to face with a completely different view; one that was obscured slightly behind the fogginess of his tears, but still enough to make his heart flutter naively.

Clearly visible beneath the bright lights of the building's lobby was the brunette's comforting gaze, shining a little brighter when their eyes locked on each other; he was tall, or at least taller than the brunette, with warm coffee-coloured eyes that radiated nothing but safety, slicked back dark-brown hair that held shiny undertones of a chocolate colour, and muscular but not in the same way as his ex-boyfriend, with his leather jacket tightly hugging tattooed arms and sending a swoon-worthy swarm of butterflies through Tyler's stomach.

"You good?" Brendon asked, words muffled around the cigarette dangling from between his pouted lips and a flash of concern washing over his face as he softly surveyed the younger's seemingly distressed state.

Tyler's only response was a shaky sigh and a wordless nod of assurance; instantly dashing forward into his opened arms and nuzzling his dampened face against the older man's chest, drowning in the scent of his woodsy aftershave and melting into the feeling of velvety lips pressing into his hair.

Tyler had once considered Josh to be the perfect man, but oh, how wrong he had been.

Maybe, he thought, this one would be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for making you wait so long for such an awful and anticlimactic ending but I got so distracted with other stuff that I just lost motivation to get around to writing it, but then not having it finished started to bother me so here it is.  
> 


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